hallelujah

Has been half a new month.. Met some new people.. Enjoyed lifes at works. (perhaps I lied the last bit)...

Oh few more days to new years.. Still hasn't had any resolution yet.. None for the past 5 years methink.. Guess just stay as being me..

I'm SINGLE. HalleluJah!

Drama King

If only I have power



this was never enough

took me fly

run

conclusion et repression

Being an idiot such as me is sure is embarrassing.. After all these days, after all you did, what I did, is only to fulfill your one desire. You truly are a remarkable person.

I never knew, those cash, those voucher, the late night visits, the calls, the messages, the oh never mind I can wait talks, everything was only for you to achieve happy in your own way and senses.. Why I never thought of that..

Well, that makes me the bad guy then.. I am the one who got, all the cash, the voucher, the ride, gotten called upon, saved texts and being undisciplined. I am proud to be known as the bad guy. THANK YOU.

I never knew.. How could I be so stupid. I loved you, but I never get to what you need whereas you always give me what I wanted. I'm really sorry..

No wonder you are so pissed off at me.. Maybe there's a bit in your heart to still like me even, I'm honestly, am sorry..

I promise you, I'll give you what you want, few days times. I love you.

Wishing for day that won't come

I just wish payday won't come this month. I really don't want it to.. Heck I need some cash even.. Oh well.. Once bitten twice shy.. I still love you~

new month

It's been sometimes since I wrote in here..

I had the most vivid dream last night.. Dreams about the 'forgotten time'.. Dreams about a world full of 'happiness'. Maybe I saw you there last night. I was happy, for a moment. Though I want to forget you.

This world parallel is soon to end. The 'line' is crossing at the far end, which is coming near. Though how I see it is, it might not be true..

I wonder I wonder..
I woke up early, and feeling glee.. Why?

Now listen to the new moon howl..

Guo Huo ( 过火 ) - Zhang Xin Zhe

better in time

it's just normal

What can I do to get a better person.. Maybe this is just normal feeling..

Crapppp...

For the past few (might seems like ALMOST ALL) of my post are about my stupid sadness.. It's just normal maybe for me to have that kinda feeling.. Maybe, I'm just a human still, afterall.. I need not this unhappiness, for 'that'. I wasted 3months of rejuvenating on an idiot.. Now I have to scrape back, one by one..

Let me smile!

a sollen day a lonely boy

A monologue of an empty night:

Night oh night,
hear this my whisper,
why oh thy shall come,
today like yesterday,
tomorrow like today,
any new bring I accept,
I just wish I can sleep,
And never to wake up..
Name: Euan
Like: Food, sleep
Dislike: Lose
Dream: I'll allow no one to come between my way

what that is to say

What? A break-up.. A silent one? I still love you damnit! I still fxcking loving you.. I saw you on on-it. But what's that compare to a misscall, a text message.. Fuck I give my whole if you want it. I just want to be with you. I seriously do.. But not a breakup..

requiem II end

My family is ever growing.. That is the conclusion for post #30..

requiem end:

Let's and shall I,
treasure thy around me,
no less yet more of it,
when you in pinch my world collide,
vice versa it's to me,
to you I vow, my family,
I loved and shall always be,
even when we are far separated physically,
spiritually never be,
and remember this,
people will always says what they want,
it's only because they,
never knew.

Now now, I never try to be a proud person or a weak one. But mind you, I have things you wish isn't existing..

Requiem, END

Split

Maybe, it's the best thing, to do, is have a break from 'this world'.

I'm going to miss you, like how I miss the 'last'.. Though I don't love you like how I loved. Maybe YOU don't know what love is..

Then this is goodbye..

20/11/09
When other's is happy, I am the reflects..

Oh well.. Let's find a new one! ~I'm kidding.. Seriously..

undisclosed

As long I am here, NOTHING's going to change! I need to move on.. I need to.

black and white conformirtry.. here I come:

CODENAME: wyde

To THY I trust .

this town has been cursed

Bokke!
Now, now.. I'm just kidding..
But it's true.. Perhaps, just perhaps, all this misfallen that happens to 'us' and 'them' are all just cursed.. Or is it..
Perhaps, when things are prepared, they will never come to as we expected.. Because 'we' are the 'cursed one'. Once, 'we' roam, shall roam again..
Creepy..

with or without you

sunk

again (lonesome remix pt: II)

I'm starting to hate myself. More and more.. And more and more.. I can't even maintained a simple relationship.. I don't know. I feel, it's happening again.. A 'second lost'. NO..

Why must this happen.. Whyy!!!! ~oh, so over dramatic..

It's not the time yet.. We are just going to celebrate our third month's anivesary (though the previous two aren't celebrated at all..) still.. I pray wish you won't leave me..

I'm not strong enough to live alone, again.. No, I'm not.. It's hurt once, it sure will hurts twice..

And now I'm tired..

cleansing me

For the past few months I have been doing stuffs stupidly beyond my redemptions..

Tracing back, I knew, that was not what I wanted after all.. And I will start to clean up those secret I had hold for long. I only wanted to be with the one I love..

Just a little while more.. Just a little while..

-- I'll try to --
I'll wait you if it takes me a week, a month, a year
I'll try to wait..
I'll love you if it takes me a week, a month, a year
I'll try to love..
And I hope you could do the same too for me..
Try to understands this, I am only trying to understands you..

love, happy birthday



This is for you, love.. The real present is when we meet, and I can't wait to get it from you.. I loved you so much...

you called

that was what I was hoping for the past few weeks.. You finally called me on my mobile. How I yearn to hear your voice.. But it was a petite one. Are you doing fine there alone, dear? I was surprised you told me you going somewhere soon.. I'm sorry..

What I regretted the most that is, I forgotten your birthday.. Truly, I thought it was on January. I lied when I said I got you your birthday present. Truth is, I was so much think that you going to leave me that I never once think about your thought.. I'm sorry.. I know how much you cared for me, your love for me.. I'm sorry..

I was never a good guy to begin with.. I'm sorry..

-when I woked up, you will still be there-

set it free

If only I could set it free.. This was viewed from a myspace page of a dear friend of mine who is a dear to me..
Maybe, just maybe if I set you free, doesn't mean I don't love you anymore, just that, you was never meant for me no matter how much I loved you.. I really do.. You just can't never come back to me, love.

quitit

I quited my work and I liked it..

can I hold you tonight?



I'm sorry,
It's all that you can say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like sorry (like sorry..like sorry..)
Forgive me,
Is all that you can say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like forgive me (forgive me...forgive me..)
Forgive me..

But you can say, baby
Baby can I hold you tonight?
Baby, if I told you the right words
Oooh, at the right time
You'll be mine

I love you
Is all that you can say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily (words don't come easily..)
Like I love you, I love you..

But you can say, baby
Baby can I hold you tonight?
Baby, if I told you the right words
Oooh, at the right time
You'll be mine

(baby can I hold you...)
But you can say, baby
Baby can I hold you tonight?
Baby, if I told you the right words
Oooh, at the right time
You'll be mine

(baby, if I hold you..)
(baby, can I hold you..) you'll be mine..
(baby if I told you..)
(baby, can I hold you..)
You'll be mine..
(baby if I told you..)
Baby, can I hold you.

requiem I

Tribute to a friend of mine. This is a tune for those in sorrow,

requiem:
What you wanted
would it suffice,your hunger for more
What you had
does it make you regret to owned it
How bad your life
for others had been worse
if you regret bread and milk
than see that they had those once a year
or even less
Does your heart sees
if you pushed a kid
how would others treat yours later
Pain is only temporary, if you have love
all will be free
Never regret what you have, because
one day you'll realise it was what you wanted
after all..


Words spoken left mile behind.. Tears sheded washed the pain. If that can make you feel ok, then do it so..

Live is given to those who appreciate it. Why must we live in the shadow of loneliness.. Always treasure those around us. Those who are still alive.. Not then, one day, when they leave us, we will regret. Like the story of the fallen crown's prince.


May this find you peace..

something anew

New era of learning





Let's starts with ABC and end with I LOVE YOU ...

it pour (lonesome remix pt: I)

I hate being alone. I truly hate being lonely..

I've lost the first ever person I ever love, and wasted. The person who don't know who I am, knows who I'm not, and knows who I want to be..

I've missed you.. If we are still together, it's going to be nearly a year. F**K what happen! It's my fault previously, IT'S MY FAULT.! Yes I admit! But I ask your forgivness.. Sins commited, time repented.. What can I do! I'm sorry. That's all I can say.. I still misses you. Those time we are together.. Those little moment, means eternity to me. I misses you.. I wish time can be turn.. Yes, I'm with someone new, but I can never loved like I loved you.. Because I only love you. Always is, always am..

-How long is this pain going to stray in this voidless heart..-

7 things



I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we shared

It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care
And now we're standing in the rain
But nothing's ever gonna change
Until you hear, my dear

The 7 things I hate about you!
The 7 things I hate about you, oh you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy

Your friends, they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology

When you mean it, I'll believe it
If you text it, I'll delete it
Let's be clear
Oh, I'm not coming back
You're taking 7 steps here

The 7 things I hate about you!
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy

Your friends, they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

And compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention the 7 that I like

The 7 things I like about you!
Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's
When we kiss I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy

Your hands in mine
When we're intertwined, everything's alright
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I like most that you do
You make me love you, you do oooooohhhhh la la la ooooohhhh

knowledge is virtue

Honestly,




to have more knowledge is truly more virtue then living under the well with no sun to feel nor sky to praise..

Praise be that being me, is a truly bliss..

counting down the days



1, 2, 3, 5

How long more... This pain will end, soon me, soon...

Then just smile, I will for the world have enough suffering for me to corncern about it..

never let go

once I fall in Love

crush

clouded by mist

Mixed of feeling engulf this feeble mind.

Tired
Remorse
Deception
Anger
Hatred

and the list would go on and on, for negativity have no end for me..

What should I do, oh what should I do..

How long.. How long before this ill-feel go away and I can see some shed of light.. It's all a hazy blur for a simple me.. I'm tired. So am tired of everything.. Of my life, of my life..

Oh, how I wish, I could be love and not taken for granted. I would never do those to you but yet, you for done it to.. I am at lost..

bleed

I fall down by the stinky drain near by my hostel and got a deep cut on my left lower thigh. SIX stitches..!

My first experience to be stitched up alive!! Seriously, IT HURTS!!

I have my frate to be thanks to.. If it wasn't for him, I would be walking to the clinic.. Thanks you blood..

Well then again, someone won't be able to be next to me.. To caught up with work, and to tired.. Can't blame.. I am, missing..

black and white confrontmatry

to choose BLACK :

and no way of turning back

to choose WHITE :

but not enough strength


I want to have power so I can protect YOU now and people around me... I have no thing but me now..

you found me



I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but one
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing him
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long he will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

work is blist

I got a new job in FnB line here now.. Work ain't that bad but then again, *sigh*.. It ain't tiring but I can't cope with 'them'.. WHAT? So I don't like 'em.. What's wrong with that? I choose not to... Maybe my desire are not towards them..~

I got friends now.. Friends I can talk to, friends I can share stories, friend I can go out with.. Friends..
----- I'm a lose r.. -----

to you, with love

I'm with someone now.. 2 months have passed. Still can't deal with it..

Someone oh someone, tell me now..
What do LOVE really means.. Is to love means being together everyday?

Why, one day am not with you, I can't feel the same.. Your messages never came, nor mine is replied.. I am saddend..

But when I'm out with you, we quarrel always.. Like the moon fought over the sun for spaces in the morning.. But then I remember, you will always shine because I am no thing but a stepping stone for you to be happy..

I could be happy to love you, I wish you would do to..

Maybe, just maybe, one day we can be together like the clusterd star. Shown its light, millenia forgotten..

I love someone new..

resentment is modesity..

I'm not sure what's going to happen next.. Cards been played, lifes at stakes. Is this what I really wanted.. What's will it takes form, my punishment..

I hope I could do something, even a little to change my world, alter my past, moves my future..

I don't really believe it's a dream, but then again, if there is a spark of hope in the darkness of my heart, if I can, I will try..

----- my feeling is no less than what you feel.. -----

and now, I'm bored..

lost somewhere between here and then



I'm at lost..

to whom

Half a year, times have past. It's truly hard to move on, yet I managed to.. I am starting to walk on my own.. To whom, I don't know. This feeling supressed deep inside. Rebelling to you who is someone's..

to you new memories;


the day is bored without your face,

the night is gloom without your smile,

thus i pray and pray i did,

but somehow, we can never be,

i love you and more and more,

but i know, you belong to someone bored,

then i pray and pray i did,

so one day you would notice me,

and not just being me u want,

that makes you smile and have more fun,

and thats all i want



Alas, where were you. Dream..

equlibiruim inquestionities..

What is, normal, to begin with..? The definition of normal and not are always mistake in some highly doubted way..
If being normal is respected, then what about less-normal? Is it because being greater or lesser then normal people made less-normal speacial, thus hated?
This world is by-far being seen as divided into 2 groups. The good and the bad.
What is good?
What then, is bad?
If being good means you are always right, then bad being you are wrong?
If you can see, that if you do good alas been said is do wrong, whose fault was it?
In the end, all you want to do, is good in your eyes.
But people who do wrong, are good in their eyes.
So which path will you choose?
Being diffrent is sometime's far more better then go with the books. Being diffrent means, you understanding things in a prospects that some people tooked for granted.
Sometimes (if not, most of the times), life is just a game. You can choose whichever path you want, spread infront of you. The end, would always lead to where you want it to be. Because the choice are made by you, and you only.

Don't ever succumb to the words of people who told you to do things they want it their ways.
Never have people lead your life.
Your life, is your's own to control. Seize the oppurtunity. Maybe then, can you see the true beauty in your life..
Certain people demands that you have to change to better. They don't know.
Certain people said that they understands the pain that hovers on you. Or that you won't ever understands them.
They are just blind.
Everybody was born with those senses gifted to them. Everybody sensed diffrent thing, though the thing that you had might be same.
Condemning people is 1 easy way to get rid of them, and another to be respected. People with better life will try to condemn those who don't.

Just because you are better than some people, doesn't mean there are not others who are better than you?
Alas, this does not settles the feud of which is better; be it good or bad. Or normal or not.
Whatever person you are, just remember, always follow what your heart says. It matters not if you are good or bad, in the end, we are still human being..

tick tock, time moves..

My name is Euan.. I would turn 20 in due months time.. Time flies so fast that when I turned back, everything had changed drastically..


Thus I wrote this entries for me to recap, to think back, to view..

My past - My sins - My redemptions..


Living is not that hard, and death is easier.. If all in all to live, is to find someone perfect for me, are I that perfect to match that someone? I too am not sure what I wanted truly in this world.. Thus I chased after the rainbow. Which said holds up the pot of treasure.. Maybe, just maybe..

It's a sinful road yes, then again, I'm trying to atone whatever done...

This is my redemptions..

to Forget and to Move on..

Try to tell you that I loved you, yes.
Yet, I have no courage..
Alas a coward like me, just have to perish ever for from you..
BUT,
I won't ever forget you..
Though time spent is little, though happiness we had was small, I cherish every moment I had with you..
Every second by you..
Every 14th, I'll remember you..
I still LOVE you..

in memories of the one I'd ever love..